How To Face Your Fears
A friend of mine recently asked me to go skydiving with him, an offer to which I promptly agreed. Later that night, the topic came up in a discussion I was having with my father. Being curious, I asked whether he’d ever wanted to try the deed. “No way!” he responded, “not in a million years!” Envoking even more curiousity, I pressed further, asking why not. His response; “Because it scares me too much!”. That’s funny, I thought, because that’s the exact same reason why I so quickly decided to go through with it. This made something click in my head, though, because despite the popularity of skydiving, I know so many people that react exactly like my father. I really think that society as a whole has been gripped a little too tightly by a fear of the wrong kind.
1) What is fear?
Fear developed long, long ago as a means of survival. It invoked a rush of adrenaline, useful for either escaping danger or facing it head on. It was an immediate reaction to a life threatening scenario, such as, say, the fear of heights or the fear of poisonous spiders, two fears which are still very prevalent nowadays. Fear is a legitimate reaction to danger, but the problem is this: much of current day society is too paralyzed by such anxieties.
2) If fearing certain dangers is legitimate, why should I conquer this feeling?
The answer to this question lies within itself; the fear of CERTAIN dangers is not necessarily an issue, but most of the people I know, and I’m guessing that a lot of people with whom I’m not yet well acquainted are also pretty frozen by unnecessary fears.
Think about it…
- How often do you ask that cute girl (or guy) across the room out on a date? A fear of rejection is by no means a life threatening issue, and yet so many remain unable to summon the courage to just go for it!
- How nervous do you get when you have to speak at a meeting or for a large gathering of people? Oddly enough, the MOST common fear in the world is the fear of public speaking, not death.
I can see how in some instances a botched presentation can have a negative effect, but 5 years after the incident, would you even have remembered it? Based on the fear most people exhibit before a speech, they should be happy just to be alive!
The point is that these are very real fears, but there is very little reason that they should be. The anxiety associated with them is far greater than the damage that could be caused even by the most catastrophic mistake. Therefore, you’d be better off without them.
That being said, the primordial fear of heights is a tricky concept, because though it is still technically a life or death issue, under most circumstances it is not as pressing today than it was when man’s primitive ancestors lived and hunted near high rising mountains and waterfalls. Realistically, it’s not a relevant fear nowadays, and conquering it can be a miraculous jump start for beating your other fears, not to mention a lot of fun!
3) What good comes from conquering fears?
There is a world of good to come from rising above that which scares you most.
First, and absolutely foremost, imagine how you would feel being able to stand face to face with your single greatest fear and say “I’m not scared” and REALLY mean it! I’d imagine that nothing could possibly rival the rush of confidence that hits at that moment.
Second, think hard about how much some of your fears could be holding you back. Not just from succeeding, but from growing in general. The experience of skydiving, I’m betting, will do more for me than just rob my bank account of $200. It will help me conquer even further my currently dying fear of heights, and will give me one more incredible experience to discuss with friends and family. I’ll get to have all that fun, and at heart, I’ll be that much stronger knowing that there’s one less thing in this world that can stand in my way.
Third, if you let your fears reign over you unchecked, they will grow. Out of control. I know people who are so terrified of speaking to potential dates that they haven’t met a new person, even a friend, in years. And what happens when you’ve avoided your hatred of public speaking when all of a sudden your boss asks you to do a presentation in 4 hours. I’ll bet at that point that you’ll wish you had done something about it earlier.
4) How do I beat my fears?
Face them. Head on! If you’re afraid to make a new friend or ask someone out on a date, talk to as many new people as you possibly can. Of course, it’s important to start slowly, maybe starting a small conversation with one or two people for the first few days. As time progresses, you should find that the anxiety you felt before is starting to fade.
Another good tactic is visualization. Afraid of public speaking? Imagine yourself without that metaphorical ball and chain around your ankle. Imagine being at your next speech sans sweaty palms and shaky voice. It’s a good picture, isn’t it? Remember that feeling, and try to envoke it during your next speeches. Chances are high that you’ll feel a noticeable change, which will make it easier to be less nervous for the next, and even less nervous for the next, until the fear becomes almost entirely negligible.
The best way to avoid fear altogether, I’ve found, is simply to get outside of your own comfort zone - and to stay there! If you never become stagnant enough to think about the small things that might be at risk, you never allow those thoughts the opportunity to grow strong enough to overpower you.
March 2nd, 2009 at 14:32
Interesting, Pershaps at some point you would elaborate on concept of comfort and comfort zones. I understand the author has personally overcome a very particular brand of comfort seeking behavior - perhaps the subject of a discussion in the future?