4 Ways To Get Life To Work For You, Not Against You
Ever notice how almost every single time you spend time planning an event, something goes wrong and the event never goes as intended? It’s a frustrating phenomenon, but it doesn’t have to be. It may never be possible to gather enough control on your world to safely assume that any plans you make will be carried out properly, but it is very possible to control your reaction, both physically and emotionally, to the world’s endless curveballs.
- Let it go.
One way to reduce the disappointment of failed plans is to abandon your preconceived notions of the way things were “supposed to be.” The longer you hold on to the fact that the day did not turn out as intended, the more you will be bothered by it. Ask yourself, “Is this setback really worth my trouble?” Usually, you’ll find that the answer is a resounding “no,” and it is completely possible to carry out the rest of the day more or less unhindered.
For instance, lets say you and some friends decided to get together to go see a brand new movie, but when everyone arrived at the theatre, tickets were sold out. In a very “glass half empty, glass half full” kind of way, this can be seen either as a major hitch in the plan for the day or as a small obstacle to overcome in order to achieve the larger goal - bonding with friends. Perhaps now you and your peers could see a different movie, go to a diner for coffee, or anything that would be fun for everyone. Either way, even though the day didn’t really work out as intended, it still ended up okay. This example explained a very small, short term situation, but this concept works even over the course of several months or years.
- Keep your frame of mind in the present.
This mentality piggybacks pretty heavily on the previous practice, but deserves to be explained separately as it can lead to a lot of overall happiness in general. By staying in the present state of your life, you can avoid the dissatisfaction of holding onto the idealized “way things should be.” Instead, you can focus on the “way things are” and go from there.
If something happened in the past that did not work out the way you had hoped, here’s what you should do: review the scenario, learn from it, and then snap back to present. Give yourself enough time to keep from repeating the same error over and over, but don’t dwell so long that it affects your state of mind. This works the same way for future projections; visualize, but don’t linger too long away from the “now”.
- Don’t worry so much about where things are headed.
I heard a fantastic analogy once that compared the journey through life to a walk through a dense forest. At the start, it may be impossible to see the whole path through it. At times, it may even be impossible to see more than a few steps ahead. However, with each step, new possibilities will open up, and as long as you keep heading in the right direction, your goal will be achieved one way or another.
In literal words, it’s okay to play life by ear sometimes. It’s impossible to know, and not to mention tiring to try to predict, how things will turn out all the time. It’s worthwhile, though, to make a general plan for the future, just to keep you on track. It’s like a map to the other side of the forest. However, if you get a little off the beaten path, it’s no cause for alarm. Just keep moving in the right direction and everything will turn out alright.
- Let life flow.
When it comes right down to it, the best way to deal with one of life’s many curveballs is simply to roll right along with it. Bruce Lee, the famous martial artists, knew this fact well, and applied it to his own style of fighting, called Jujitsu. One of Lee’s most famous quotes sums up this approach;
“Don’t get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
To Lee, this explained not only how to fight an opponent, but how to live life. By emptying himself of a specific form, he was free to change himself as he saw fit to suit his current surroundings. The entire fighting style of Jujitsu is based on utilizing an opponent’s own momentum against them, allowing an expert to defeat an opponent who is significantly more powerful than him/herself. I think the analogy here is clear - life is the big strong opponent. If you go head to head with it, you will lose. If you learn to flow with it and use it’s energy towards your own goals, you will succeed.
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